Is the Internet the Right Place to Be Giving Moms Unsolicited Advice?

Come to mention it, is there ever a right place?

I write a lot of personal essays about my experiences of motherhood and my recovery from postnatal depression. I have lost count of the number of times a reader has commented with unsolicited advice. Usually, they are well-meaning, but I end up feeling invalidated and embarrassed.

Don’t get me wrong, I have received many supportive comments. People have felt safe enough to share their experiences with me and thanked me for saying what many mothers are afraid to say. But there have been times when I received feedback that made me feel ashamed of daring to try to break the stigma around being a mother with mental health problems.

And she’s right. I’ve done this myself at some point too. We all have.

This advice is coming from a good place. People see someone in pain and have they have an impulse to take away that pain. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, when it becomes more about our ego than the other person’s wellbeing, that’s a problem.

I get the feeling that people leave comments on my articles giving me advice and then breathe a huge sigh of relief after they press publish. They’ve done their good deed for the day and feel reassured that they are helpful and kind. Meanwhile, I feel a pang of anger when I realise how much they have misunderstood me. It bubbles up for a brief period and subsides as quickly as it came on. Then I feel ashamed. Was it something I did? Do I come across as incapable of being a…

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